FOR
YOUR SMILE
«Got
any nice gift-wrapping paper?»
***
«Íó ÷òî òû ïðèíåñ? ß æå ïðîñèë
ïîëîòîê! Ìîëîòîê, ïîíÿòíî? À ýòî
ãàå÷íûé êëþ÷. Ïðàâäà, ìîæåò ýòî
è ìîëîòîê. ×åðò áû ïîáðàë ýòè
êàìåííûå îðóäèÿ».
***
A
generation ago most men who finished
a day's work needed rest. Now
they need exercise.
***
«I'm
really glad you came,» said little
Jimmy to a guest. «Now Dad can
do the trick he said he would
do.»
«What sort of trick is that?»
«Well,» said Jimmy, «he said that
if you came he would climb the
wall.»
The only thing harder than a diamond
is paying for it.
***
A
teaching sister applying for a
passport paused pensively at the
caption on the questionnaire:
«Distinguished marks.» Then, with
a twinkle in her eye, she printed:
"Nun."
Two rival authors met. One had
just published a successful book.
The other was offering congratulations.
***
«I've
read your book, and it's great.
Who wrote it for you?»
«I'm so glad you enjoyed it,»
said the first author, with a
smile. «Who read it for you?»
***
The
young parachutist, about to make
his first jump, asked his instructor:
«But what if the parachute doesn't
open?»
His instructor replied: "If
it does, you won't have any questions.
And if it doesn't, you won't have
any questions either."
***
Èç
ðàçãîâîðà íà ýêçàìåíå. Ñòóäåíò:
— ß ñ÷èòàþ, ÷òî íå çàñëóæèë ñòîëü
íèçêóþ îöåíêó.
Ïðîôåññîð:
— ß òîæå òàê äóìàþ, íî íèæå ê
ñîæàëåíèþ, óæå íåò.
***
Ïî-àíãëèéñêè
ãîâîðþ ñî ñëîâàðåì. Ñ ëþäüìè ïîêà
ñòåñíÿþñü.
***
Áåñåäóþò
ïðåïîäàâàòåëü è ñòóäåíò:
— Ìîëîäîé ÷åëîâåê, âû â àðìèè
ñëóæèëè?
— Íåò. à ÷òî?
— Ìîãó óñòðîèòü...
***
Íà
ïåðâîé ëåêöèè ïðîôåññîð çíàêîìèòñÿ
ñî ñòóäåíòàìè. Âñå ïî î÷åðåäè
âñòàþò. Ïðîôåññîð çà÷èòûâàåò:
— Ñòóäåíò Ãðóâåíèáëîèâåðáîêñáóðã...
Îäèí èç ñòóäåíòîâ:
— Âîçìîæíî, ýòî ÿ. Íàçîâèòå, ïîæàëóéñòà,
èíèöèàëû.
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